Long time no see, gay little critters on my phone! Some of you might not know that I’m a theater kid at heart, a Broadway buff, a wanna be (and never will be) actress, singer and song writer. I had so many projects, dreams and ideas… truly an ADHD diva.
For the last couple months me and my wifey have been watching Glee (without giving any bucks to fucking D1sney and R. Murphy). Glee has awakened many memories and traumas of adolescence. I remember I took part in as many plays as I could and played guitar with my rock band a few times too. In one of those plays I played a white-collar thief, and I lit up a cigarette in the middle of the stage. The teachers were freaking out. What can I say? This girl is a method actress.
I’ve always been obsessed with musicals yet it took me years to say it proudly. I was no Glee kid, for sure. High school was like The Thunder Dome, and to admit something like “I love musicals” meant I was queer out loud hence putting a huge “kick me” sign on my back. A sign that I was not ready to carry at that moment. Denial was my second name for I was queer AF and I just kept on burying it deeper and deeper. I loved performing so much that I performed heterosexuality and being a dude (yikes) in public for a long time.
But that was not my point. Lately I’ve been obsessed with Grease. I’m sure you do remember it. Thing is: I love Frenchie. I see tons of myself in her. She talks fast and too much, like I do, and has no idea how to face her future. She tries to join the Beauty School and ends up dropping out, aimless. She dyes her hair pink, then blonde… I’ve been there too, Frenchie. This girl right here skipped high school to smoke grass in a park with her friends. I pretended to be sick so that I could stay at home just existing, avoiding a hostile high school and a bleak future. You don’t get more lost than that!
Or maybe you do get lost. Maybe we all do. I don’t find it weird, getting lost. I’m used to it, and there’s a beauty to going with the flow and adapting to new events. I think people who have a clear route ahead are…weird. My needs, my gender, my whole life fluctuates constantly. Heck, the world is in shambles right now and I’m supposed to know what I want for my future? And when we talk about future, why does everyone seem to imply that “future” equals a great career, a home, a loan, a dog and a nuclear family?
Fuck the nuclear family, honestly. Fuck having things decided 5, 10, 15 years ahead of it. I always do what I want and what I like without losing my way. Maybe I have to suffer horrendous working hours for that. Maybe I don’t have a super prestigious job in a soulless office either. I prefer to live my life rather than the life others want for me.
So, join the Beauty Saloon! Set up that bookshop/cafeteria you’ve always wanted! Create that video game you have in your mind! Draw a comic! Design your own clothes! Dye your hair with the blood of your enemies! Do stuff, but do it for yourself. Find your own way and know that you are not alone in it. I’m a dropout who got back on her feet plenty of times so… trust me.
Bye-bye for now! Stay safe and thaaaaaank you for reading this far.
xoxo!
Everything In Between 